The Pain and Power of Kundalini

Kate (00:00)

Welcome back to the Awakening Conversations podcast. My name is Kate. I am here with my co -host Amanda. And today we are joined by Ambha Roberts. And Ambha is here to share with us her journey with a Kundalini awakening, a topic that we’re excited to share with you. Just to give you a little background on who Ambha is. Ambha is a kinesiologist, intuitive healer, liquid crystals practitioner, writer, poet and mystic, working with clients both in person and online all around the world. She’s also a long time yoga practitioner, hatha yoga teacher and spiritual aspirant. She has experienced many awakenings in this lifetime, but the most powerful to date was a Kundalini awakening in 2016 that permanently changed her life in a multitude of ways. The initial experience was undeniably powerful and it was also the beginning of the end of life as it had been including family estrangement, the short stint of homelessness, nearly being killed in a car accident and moving interstate twice.

While the energies are now much more integrated, Ambah is still deeply connected to the multiverse while walking in the physical world. Her gifts have continued to stabilize and unfold as the energetic retrofitting journey continues. And Ambah now feels ready to share some of her experiences with others because she knows she’s not the only one going through these. And while Ambah says she isn’t here to act as a teacher in this respect, she is a storyteller and is willing to share some personal and vulnerable experiences to assist others on their path. Ambah, thank you so much for coming on the Awakening Conversations podcast and sharing this journey with us and our listeners.

Ambha (01:48)

Thank you. I think as I was saying to you earlier, Kate, I think that your podcast is a really great, you know, perfectly timed thing that is needed in these times. So thank you to both you and Amanda for making it happen.

Kate (02:06)

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. So today we are going to explore your Kundalini awakening. And as I was telling you before we started too, when we wrote a list originally at the time of conception of this podcast, we wrote out all the different ways people can have awakenings and Kundalini awakening was one of those. And we were both like, well, I don’t know anyone who’s had one of those. I wonder how we’re going to bring that forward. So really looking forward to sharing your journey because this is a particular kind of spiritual awakening that can be extremely challenging. And as you said, like changes your life in a multitude of ways. And from what I’ve read, learned, you know, heard from others, it’s basically like you never going back from one of these. All of our spiritual awakening experiences are that in some ways, but these ones particularly can be quite destabilizing and from my understanding can take quite some time to work through. Before we dive into your story, would you be able to share with us a little bit of a definition for those listening, what is Kundalini and what is a Kundalini awakening so that we can get clear on that before we dive into the depths of your story?

Ambha (03:26)

Sure. I wanted to say first of all, thanks for that intro. I’m not a scholar, I’m not an expert in these things and there are people who are experts in this area. I think in certain places in America you can even do PhDs in these topics. So, you know, I can only tell you what I’ve learned personally from my own experience and my own research that I’ve gone through just to try and understand what has happened. I wanted to, I guess, start by saying, first of all, there’s lots of different experiences that we can have as our energy bodies wake up. And I’ll always remember one of the very first ones that I had when I was much younger, I was meditating and I started hearing bells ringing while I was meditating. And I knew there was, I was, there was no bells ringing anywhere near me. And I was so excited and I thought, wow, this is,a really big accomplishment. And that’s how they can all feel, you know, like, and so part of this journey is just, there’s usually so many layers, so many experiences. And we can often mistake what we’re going through as something else.

But before we even get to a Kundalini awakening, there is a preliminary experience that occurs for people that’s called pranotthana. Pranotthana is like the beginning of the awakening and releasing of the prana energies. And so I don’t know if you know anything about the teachings, but essentially the Kundalini is said to be coiled at the base of the spine and it is literally the primal life force energy.

And I kind of liken the experience to, you know, when you’re inside of a plane, you’re traveling at whatever speed the plane is traveling at, but you don’t really notice because you’re in a pressurized cabin. But then imagine taking that trip on the wing of the plane instead. And then you get to really feel all of the rawness of the volume that you’re traveling at and the vibration of everything and how that impacts you personally.

So you know, all of that energy that drives our existence is coiled at the base of the spine. We have, are you aware, you know, the, what’s it called? I think I wrote it somewhere. The medical symbol. Is it called the cadus? 

Amanda (05:50)

Yeah, caduceus.

Ambha (06:00)

Yeah. Yes. And so that is the symbol of the, like a staff with two, I don’t know if they’re snakes or they represent them differently and people often look at it and think DNA or something like that but it’s literally the central channels of the body the Sushumna, the central channel and the Ida and Pingala which is where for most of us until Kundalini awakening starts to happen that’s the the main flow of our energies in the Ida and Pingala. And so the pranotthana begins, it’s hard to say like I think it probably began years ago for me, like years before this happened. But because of what I was going through at that time, I kind of ignored it and shut it down and kind of went, I can’t process this. I was in the middle of dealing with a bunch of trauma. And so, the beginning of that process begins through what’s called Shaktipat. So Shaktipat is an act of grace and often it’s a transmission through another either embodied or disembodied being. So some kind of being that has that grace of connection to the divine energies and that then gets transmitted and that starts to wake things up.

So then it’s, and I call it like the advanced guard, like the beginning of the purification process. And so even in pranottna, you can feel like, this might be it. Like this might be the Kundalini awakening because it can be quite intense, lots of vibration, lots of altered states, lots of what’s called kriyas or the involuntary automatic body movements and things like that. So, and that process can go on for some time. And so the second, like the, in the,I think maybe the six or eight months before the Kundalini awakening occurred, for me that was, it was quite a lot on and off, but quite a lot. So it’s working to clear the emotional, the mental blockages in the body, in the energy system. And the thing is that the more that we have to clear, the more intense that process can be as well. So when we have a lot of trauma, which a lot of people do, like let’s face it, a lot of people have a lot of trauma, whether they’re aware of it or not. And yeah, so the more that there is to clear, it’s literally like anything else that you’ve got to clean out, your house or whatever, like there’s a lot more work to be done. So all of that occurs and then essentially, our energy begins moving through the Nadi system. So the Ida, Pingala and Sushumna are the three core Nadi’s, but in the body, in the energetic body, there are like 72 ,000 nadi’s. 

Ambha (08:50)

Nadi’s are subtle energy channels. So we have, most people know about chakras, meridians, auric fields, but they’re just some of our energy body. And I like to think that we don’t even know all of our energy body, systems of yoga have, have made a study of this and there’s, they know a lot, but I tend to think for everything that we know, there’s so much that we don’t know. So we have this incredible subtle energy body called the Nadi system. And they run. like there, you can see diagrams on the internet if you Google Nadi’s and it’s almost like you can’t quite see the body, the human body. There’s just so many channels. 

So before the Kundalini awakening as I said the energy system functions through the side channels. The opening of Sushumna is a really serious event. It’s not to be taken lightly and it’s, it can cause people, you know, like I actually wondered at various points whether I was even going to get out of it alive. I really wasn’t sure. And it can cause, you know, loss of, the loss of identity, like the loss, the looking at yourself and being like, I don’t, I don’t recognize that person anymore. I definitely had moments like that where I was like, I don’t know my, what’s my name. And I look, I’d look in the mirror and be like, is tha me, like I’m not really sure. And so I was really lucky that I did have some training and some experiences behind me. Because otherwise, yeah, I can totally see how people would lose their mind, potentially. So yeah, big stuff.

Amanda (10:27)

I just want to say I wonder how many people have Kundalini awakenings and are labeled as a psychotic break because they don’t know what’s happening to them.

Ambha (10:35)

Yeah, yes. Yes. And that is, I don’t know if you’ve heard, I don’t know if it’s a well known story or not. But, you know, there is that story about a shaman visiting the West and visiting a mental hospital and saying these are all people going through various spiritual things. That may be a meme, I’m not sure, but I’ve heard it a couple of times.

Amanda (10:57)

I mean, it makes sense, right?

Kate (11:00)

Absolutely. Yeah, 

Ambha (11:02)

Yeah. And because that, you know, if I, if I had gone to a GP throughout any of this, they would probably have given me like anti -psychotics or something but luckily I had enough support so that I was okay. I was relatively okay as I was going through this process. But yeah, big stuff.

So yeah, once the Kundalini starts to uncoil and I’m kind of doing a screwing motion, starts to unwind at the base, starts traveling up the central channel. It’s kind of like a rocket ship in some respects. It’s just going no matter what. We still do have blockages within the central channel. So for all of the work that the pranottna has done, there will still be blockages in the energy in the central channel that need to be addressed. But yeah, it’s literally like on the way going to do its thing. And the thing about this energy, it is the divine, it is the aspect of divine that sits in each of us. And it’s an intelligent force. It doesn’t, it’s not blind, you know, kind of like driving a truck into a dam or something. It’s literally working through us to open us. And I think, like I have this theory that where each of us is on, in the cosmic appointment book at some point in this life or another life or wherever we’re at with our awakening experiences. And it’s like, this is this appointment time for this person. And now it’s that person, that person’s another lifetime. So that’s kind of how I see it as well. So yeah, but the problem is we don’t know about that as humans. I wish we did, I wish we got a text saying, your awakening is… Yeah, it might make things easier. But then again, it’s also part of our, it’s part of our experience and our learnings, right? Like, I kind of think that in addition to Shaktipat, you know, like not everybody who gets Shaktipat also has those experiences. So…

Kate (12:46)

You’re up next.

Amanda (12:49)

Get ready, get ready, hold on.

Ambha (13:12)

There are theories about, you know, it’s got to do with our karmas, our past lives, our, you know, accomplishments in previous lifetimes as well. So a lot of stuff that we don’t necessarily understand in this experience of life. So it is still a relatively rare event, but I actually know a couple of people that have also had those experiences now. Like one was my kinesiologist in Melbourne.

And another one is a practitioner I work with up here, a craniosacral therapist. So I feel really grateful because it’s really hard to explain otherwise to people. And it’s really hard trying to work with people who are energy practitioners when they don’t have that comprehension as well. So yeah, it’s a tricky business. Anyway, so yeah, I guess the Kundalini awakening as the energy starts to move, whatever is going to happen is, is what happens. For some people, now this is where I have made notes later on, but, where it does help to be somebody who is in a school learning about subtle bodies and subtle energy practices. That’s not always what happens these days now for whatever reason, that’s not where you will find everybody who this happens to. I do have a background in those teachings, but at the time that this happened to me, I hadn’t been in contact with my teacher for several years. And I wasn’t even capable at that point of thinking about reaching out to him because I’d lost contact with him. I was just really grateful that I had a practitioner I was working with who did know what was going but it is better to have somebody who has that depth and breadth of experience to assist you through this process. Because I think what happened to me is that I ended up getting stuck in that process for a while and a little bit of what they call prana sickness or Kundalini sickness where essentially, you know, the energy is trying to rectify and unify through the body. But when we don’t have the awareness of what to do next to help ourselves through that process, then it gets it’s a little bit like a ping pong ball in a chamber, you know, just kind of bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. And so for me, it meant that I had a lot of symptoms and experiences for a long time that I didn’t have to have that were quite disruptive. So, you know, literally I’d be, I remember sitting, having a coffee somewhere at a coffee shop and I looked down at the table and there were like waves on the top of my coffee. And I was like, is there a train? No, there’s no train.

And then I realized my body was in contact with the table. And so the vibration moving through my body was being displayed in my coffee. And so then I disconnected from the table and I was like, no, that really, that really is me. And while those things can seem really interesting, they are not the end point of this work. It’s not the end goal.

Ambha (16:23)

And I listened to one of your other podcasts where you’re talking about spiritual bypassing and ego and how we can get trapped in all of that. And so I think one of the things about all of this is that it can seem really exciting and wow, and so cool. And there’s so many things you can do, but they’re really, a lot of this is just symptoms along the way.

Amanda (16:45)

Can I ask, is this taking place over days, weeks, months, years? So what’s the timeline, like timeframe, just to get a sense of like how quick or slow is it?

Ambha (16:51)

I have a lot of trouble with time these days, but the initial experience happened probably in the course of about, I don’t know, 20 minutes to an hour one night, but the ongoing experiences were, look, it took like, it’s taken seven years to really integrate properly. The first 18 months I lived in a state of altered realities on and off all day long. And I’d been told, it’ll be about six months and things will settle down. But it was ongoing for me for a really long time and then it

did start to settle down more, but it was still very, and when I say that, I mean, I was a lot more, more in my normal reality than I was not instead of that previous period where it was pretty much like between both realities all the time. And that’s the point at which I’m amazed I didn’t lose my mind.

Kate (17:58)

Hmm. Can I ask you there? What, what is that experience like? Cause you know, what you’re awakening to, you’ve got this Kundalini energy, our life force energy now very, very present in your body, very present in your life. Right. So even as you described that incredible example of like sitting on the wing of the plane, like none of us really have that experience. So what is this experience here in the middle? Because I think we’ve really pointed to how this can really feel like what is going on in my mind, like my perception of reality is really shifting here. I’m sensing and seeing this other part. What is that experience like? What were you experiencing? So we can really show for people listening, you know, to maybe get a grasp of, I think I’ve had that experience. Maybe I’m not crazy here, you know, cause if we don’t have the background like you, it could feel really what’s happening to me. Could you share a little bit about that?

Ambha (18:36)

Yeah, it, yes. So it’s definitely not just something in your mind. It’s something that is very physical, that impacts your physical body, your nervous system, all of your senses, and as well as the mind and beyond, well beyond this physical realm. So I guess, so yeah, like the first thing was just that I was living in this altered state. I was writing a lot of poetry because I was having ongoing waves of experience after that initial experience. So, and there would be examples of things like the dropping of the veil of Maya, like time, right? So what does reality look like when we don’t have time? And that one was quite terrifying. I remember that. And I had this beautiful experience. It was so funny. Like it made me laugh my face off. I was, people probably would have thought I was on drugs because I was at the beach just pissing myself laughing. I’ve had this moment, I had this moment where I was on the beach I was walking to down a ramp, down to the sand and there was a seagull flying directly towards me and I just had this one moment where it was like well there is nothing, there’s actually no space between us. Or if there is, it’s also me and the seagull is me and I am the seagull. I’m looking at the seagull being me and everything that exists is also me and the beach and the space and the molecules of air. And yeah, so I just had this incredible recognition of the unity of all the things while at the same time seeing everything separately. So yeah, so there is just endless examples like that in that time.

It did get to a point and I can go through that and we talk through the stories and more where life literally got quite dysfunctional. Like I really would have been better off if I’d been able to just go to a monastery or something and not have any responsibilities, but I didn’t have that at the time. And so I was just trying to make, do the best that I could, but it wasn’t good. And it did, life did get very much to the point where I could barely pay my bills. I could barely…I could do energy work really well, but anything else I really was not very good at, like, and a lot of it had to do with time. People would say, can you do this thing for me by this time? And I’d be like, yeah. Time did not play ball in the same way. So, yeah, it got, it got to be quite messy at that stage.

Amanda (21:38)

I’m just gonna share that what you’re sharing describes a little bit what I experienced after my experience with the Bufo Alvarius, where it was just like in that middle space. And like I saw sacred geometry at that time and it was like, how do I come back into the other reality after like experiencing this other thing and it was like all these energy centers opening and hands and mine wasn’t as long as what I think yours sounded like. But I can, like you describing it, it’s taking me back to that time where I can understand if that continued on for as long of a time as you’re saying it did, that see that being very challenging and I guess I’m curious what started to bring you back into maybe a more integrated, grounded place.

Kate (22:38)

How about we save that one? Cause that’s a great question. Do you want to share your story with us first? Like, and then, yeah. So yeah, do share with us what, what was this journey for you? What happened? And then exactly how did you begin to like bring yourself back to reality and integrate all of that?

Ambha (22:43)

Yeah, sure.Well, I mean, as I think I said in my initial notes to you, like it wasn’t just a Kundalini awakening. There were definitely aspects that felt like a cosmic shamanic awakening as well. So there’s the Kundalini experience, which is that raw Shakti. And then there was the everything else that happened as well.  And look, I think I honestly think a lot of this happened, started happening when I was younger. But I didn’t know any better at the time. Like in my 20s, I started having past life experiences and recalls. I had a spontaneous inner child healing that was like I was receiving telepathic communication about what I needed to do and followed that process. And that really helped me connect with that inner child and also connect to a lot of the trauma that I grew up with but that I didn’t actually recognize as trauma for a long time and then I met my main spiritual teacher when I was about 27. And then I started studying with him so I had about six years of yearly retreat practice with him. Like a lot of it wasn’t, it was traditional yogic teachings, there was physical asana, but it was also philosophy, meditation, what’s known as puja or ritual and like a whole bunch more. And I did actually learn about kundalini at the time, but I do remember thinking that’s probably for other people. Like that’s not for me, you know, maybe another lifetime. I, you know, like, I’m not in that space. And I did know that I was very sensitive. I always knew that I would take on other people’s energy. So I’ve always had a lot of other experiences besides that.

And eventually I took initiation with my teacher and it was about six months after that, that I was assaulted. I ended up with PTSD that ended up sending me down the healing pathway where I ended up meeting a kinesiologist and doing lots of work with them and then that kind of led me into my studies. But when I was in the first year of my kinesiology studies, I also had other awakenings. I had a big psychic opening. I found myself communicating with archangels and they were like, we’re here to help you with your work. And I was like, what work? I’ve been very busy connecting with Hindu deities and Egyptian gods and goddesses and I’ve never really worked with you know Archangels and you know you guys are like Christian or something right and they said we’re not Christian and and literally they are beings of power they are here to serve us it’s just that most people don’t know that but yeah that I learned through the guidance of Archangel Metatron a whole bunch of stuff about helping people clear past life patterns. So that was really interesting and that was going on side by side with my studies. And then I  was about halfway through my diploma when my dad became unwell. He was unwell for a year before he died. He actually himself had a little awakening in that last year. Like he actually, the veils were dropping for him. He was seeing ghosts. He started talking about spiritual things that he never, like never in his life spoken about and then one day he said to me so why do you have these fairies around you? I don’t see this many fairies around other people and I said, it was so weird because we’ve never talked about things like that but I just immediately said well actually dad they’re not fairies they’re the the beings that work, I work with some of them are archangels some of them are you know my spiritual team and yeah so they’re people, beings that help me with my work and it just started this incredible conversation that I never thought I’d have with my dad in this lifetime. And I was just blown away. It was amazing because, yeah, he was such a suppressed, emotionally suppressed man most of his life. So, yeah, that was really big. And I just arrived just in time to see as he was dying, like to see his soul leaving his body. I think that’s what it was anyway. I watched this beautiful spray of golden light kind of departing from his physical form. And it was, it was beautiful. And that was really, I think that was like the, the next trigger for the next round of all of energy stirring. So I guess about six months, in the six months after that, I started feeling really strange again, like I’d done a lot of work on boundaries because I am so sensitive and, you know, making sure that I’m not always walking around feeling everybody else’s feelings. But I’d started to lose that capacity again. And I was like, what’s happening? Why is this happening? And then I actually met, I’d finished my diploma in kinesiology. I’d actually met another teacher who I was going to do some post -grad studies with.

Ambha (28:01)

And we both felt like, yes, we have to work together. And I didn’t know it at that time, but he was the practitioner who also had had a kinesiology, kundalini awakening. And so we started working together and I was starting to go through those stirrings. They became very strong in the next six to eight months before everything changed. And so I felt really lucky to have him. I felt a bit terrified really like, my main, my main concern was that whatever was going to happen, which I didn’t really understand at the time, what would happen, but whatever was going to happen, I was terrified it would happen when I was alone because I thought I’m probably going to die or something. So I don’t want to be alone when this happens because I’ll just be there with my cat. I don’t want her like eating my dead body. Like it really, you know, it was something that just, I just was living in a bit of fear of the event. And so of course what happened was I was the opposite of alone. I was in an event. I was doing this program. Like it’s a one -off program that I don’t think it’s ever happening again. It’s called Garment of Styles. And it was over a three month period. There were lots of meditations, lots of activations and teachings. And I think we were, it was like the fourth from the last one in that period of time.

And I just, that night I was feeling particularly good. I didn’t know why. I was just like, I feel like it’s my birthday, you know? Yay me! And so we did all the activations and we were actually doing an Osiris activation that  night and  I thought, yeah, great. We’re going to do our note taking after the meditation and I’m just gonna lie on the floor. And that was the last thing I remembered that night until I finally got up off the floor again. And like I said, I’m not really sure how long that was, if it was 20 minutes, if it was an hour, I don’t know. 

I was on the floor in a room full of people, I don’t know, 50 to 100 people in a hotel conference room in the middle of Melbourne in the CBD. And luckily though, I was right at the feet of my friends. And so, except for a few people around me, most people wouldn’t have known that anything was going on but my experience versus like, my friends had said, well, I was lying there with tears running down my face and my body convulsing. And that was literally all they could see. But from my perspective, wow, well, I felt like, I just had, I don’t even know how it started. I just remember that the first thing I remember is this feeling of connection to the deepest parts of the earth. Like it wasn’t like a chain. It was more like I was tethered to the earth, but also tethered to the outer regions of the universe and then everything in between. And it felt like this continuous pulsation, like just strong, vibrant pulsing, moving all through me. And I could feel the earth and I could feel the connection to the universe and I also was pretty sure I was still in the room I’m like yes I can still hear the teachings I’m sure of it but I don’t think I really caught everything but yeah so there was a lot of pulsing there was also this expansion feeling like I was just becoming really really really really really really big and I just really felt like everything. I was connected to everything everywhere all at once is literally the the feeling. And there were just, there were so many layers to what was happening that I don’t think that my conscious mind caught them all. But I do remember this really strong pulsing moving up through Anya Chakra, the third eye. I get why people refer to the energy as a serpent because there is this the way the energy moves like it does feel that way.

I really did forget my own name and I forgot this small concept of myself as somebody in a physical body. I was me but I wasn’t this body me, you know and there was also, I could hear the Angelic Hosts singing like I have a lot of that sort of, or the ability to hear those things. So it was like this beautiful choir singing through the whole thing as well. And it was very ethereal. There was also, I guess…I don’t know, like what you said before, Amanda, like I, where things ended up, I found myself like at the very edges of the multiverse, I guess. And I was surrounded by my teachers, some of whom I knew, some of whom I didn’t know. And we were literally watching the birth of new sacred geometry. And they were showing me how the sacred geometry reproduces itself, which is the expansion of the universe.

And so I was just, it was like the happiest I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I was just in so much joy and I was like, this is it, right? This is where we live now. This is fantastic. And yeah, like I, I definitely know there were other things that happened, but they, they’re not things that I can recall with ease. There’s a lot of transmission on the telepathic plane.

A lot of energy codes pouring into the body, but I just, they’re not like things that are conscious and they’re things that I think have unfolded in that time since then. 

I do remember though at one point I had this like really human thought arise and I was like I came here with my two friends and they drove me here hmm it would be bad if I had to deal with my body. And that was the thought that I think started returning me. I thought it would be really rude, you know, to like leave them to deal with that. So I started trying to find my way back, but I really did not know how. Like it wasn’t the easiest thing to go, okay, I take a left here and a right. No, it just wasn’t like that. But I was in like, the facilitator of this program is someone fairly special. And so he, I think he just waited until most people were gone. He did a really good job of not bringing anyone’s attention to me. And so I don’t know if he was energetically shielding me or not, but I do remember that not too many people seemed to know. Most of the people were gone before he came over and started working on me to help me, I guess, get back into my body. And I remember him getting me to stand up, but my nervous system was just like, it was, it was like trying to fit, I don’t know, to fit your foot into a shoe that doesn’t really fit properly. And I remember just kind of standing there shaking all over, like literally everything shaking. And he was providing some instructions, but I really don’t think I heard them. I had friends there who did, which was great. But, but yeah, so then we had to get back to the car and, and I was, I was walking and as I was walking, I found everything absolutely hilarious because I was like there is, there, here is the divine form of everything and then here’s this weird overlay. Look at everything in the weird overlay of everything pretending that it’s not divine and so it was just literally causing me to stand there laughing my face off and so I don’t know we finally got back to the car but and then my friend of mine was like maybe just sit here and have some tea. Because otherwise I probably would have tried to get in my car and drive home. It was middle of the night before I eventually got home. 

And I just remember I didn’t sleep for days, but not because I was in some kind of psychotic state. It was because there was so much light, day and night, eyes open, eyes closed, middle of the night or not, there was just light. And so I’d close my eyes and I’d try to sleep and I’d just be sitting there going, well, this is pointless. Like this. I can’t, I can’t, everything is just vibrant and, and light. And so yeah, there was a lot of time where I was so energized. There was no sleep. There was so much light and, and that was sort of the next few days of just being like, now I have to live in this body again. And I definitely had an experience for a while of really grieving, leaving that more expanded state as well. Because that was just, as I said, the happiest I’ve ever felt. And it’s like, right, now I have to function here. How do I even do that?

So I do think that these experiences are different for everyone. But it’s literally like the, you know, you’re taking off, imagine you’ve shaken up a bottle of Coke and you take off the lid and everything just goes, so I don’t know that two people are going to have the same experience in each time. And certainly of the people that I’ve spoken to, everybody has a different way that they respond to those energies and those experiences.

Kate (37:47)

And so then from this point, you’ve said that, you know, there was this two year period where then, you know, you’re in and out of these energies. And as Amanda said before, you know, how did you begin to, you know, this is an ongoing process. And as you’ve also said, it’s even been longer than that seven years. What are the things you have been doing that have really helped you integrate these energies, work with them? Bring yourself back to an ability to be able to function in, let’s say, a normal society and come back to normal life. Obviously, it’s not normal anymore. It’s completely different.

Ambha (38:17)

Yeah. Well, it’s as normal as it gets for me probably. But yes, it’s much more normal now than it was. So I look, I was, as I said, I was really lucky to have a practitioner that I was working with that had an understanding and it’s also really good at Meridian work. So five element Meridian work acupressure, we do a lot of that in the sort of kinesiology I practice. And so, you know, in that way, he was able to help me stabilize a lot. But he was only able to help me to a point that he understood, whereas you know, if I’d been in touch with my other teacher at the time, or I even had that thought that that’s what I should do, then it would be different. So it wasn’t until later that I reconnected with him. But for some time, there wasn’t a lot I could do. Like it was it was literally like the energy is just playing out as they were going to play out. There were, there was lots of other experiences like I’d stand there in the shower and find myself just kind of merging into a drop of water on the side of the shower and being lost in there for God knows how long. So I don’t know, like I’d be out with people and I’d be like, I can see that you’re there, but I can also see that you are surrounded by galaxies. Like there’s just multitudes of universes overlaid where you’re standing. And that’s a very strange thing to say to people, but luckily they were the sort of people that would would understand those things. And I guess I did, I had books, you know, from my my previous studies, and I had a teacher that helped, a practitioner that helped me.And then I was just literally just trying to keep myself in functional order. Like there’s a lot of things like the cranial bones reorganizing themselves. Like I thought I was going to lose teeth because there was so much movement through the cranium. There was a lot of ongoing teachings and like sometimes the energy was just so strong that I’d have to go and just shout. I’d have to stand there and just let the energy out somehow. And so I’d find myself shouting at the top of my voice.

There’s lots of things I could say about that. Lots of poetry. And the poetry was like, I thought if I could paint, I would paint, but I can’t paint. So what I can do is I can put things into poetry. And a lot of the poetry I would write in like five minutes and it would be, they’re short pieces, but lots and lots of that. 

And what else? At that point in time, I just saw my own kinesiologist a lot. I was seeing a lot of clients. I was just kind of trying to function. And the thing that brought me crashing back down to earth was my family estrangement. So I guess, like I said, I’d gotten to that point where things were fairly, like unwieldy for me as a human trying to do human admin in life. And to that point, like I didn’t, I wasn’t able to make a lot of money. I wasn’t able to do a lot of things and I wasn’t able to explain it to my family either, right? Like they aren’t people who are going to hear any of this and understand it in any way. And, but I did, I found myself having to ask for their help. I’m single. I didn’t have a partner. I didn’t have anyone else I could turn to. And so I’ve made this agreement. Okay, look, I’ll go and live in the basement of the family home for a while, but that just wasn’t going to work out just due to so much previous family trauma and drama and karma and all the rest and within a month that situation had combusted and like that’s a whole other story that I don’t really want to share the details of today but essentially it meant that I was threatened a week before to be thrown out on my ass and that’s exactly what happened. And so luckily a friend took me in and so I was sleeping on her little girl’s bed for a few months while I tried to get my life back together. All my belongings were still in the family home and I was just literally sleeping on a six -year -old’s bed and that was hilarious. It wasn’t hilarious actually. It was really hard. Andwith everything that happened, like the rest of my family just cut off from me. They just, you know, within a matter of weeks, it was like I had no family at all and my dad had died. And so even if you don’t have a particularly good family, like a particularly good relationship with your family members, it’s still an incredible thing to experience just having suddenly no family. And so that brought on a lot of shock.And I think the shock really helped to bring all of that back down, crashing back down, because I was experiencing like, orgasmic states and, you know, hearing angelic choirs and walking around just beaming at everyone because there was so much joy in my body. And then that crashed with this family estrangement. And that, yeah, that then brought me back down to earth my, like I had chunks of hair fall out of my head just from the shock of it all.

And I had to really kind of start digging into my own healing processes again. It didn’t stop that, the like, a lot of the experiences I was having, but it, it just the intensity of them decreased because it’s like, wow, okay. I actually had to deal with all of this stuff now. And so, yeah. So I don’t know. It took me a few months. I found another place of my own again. And I just started rebuilding my life, like spiritual counseling, kinesiology, naturopathy, like everything I could do for myself I was doing. I was going through a lot of grief. And I was also just planning how to get out of Melbourne again. I’d lived in Sydney for a long time when I was young. I moved back to Melbourne and I had at some point realized, I don’t really belong here. I don’t like the weather. It’s too concretey. It’s too, it’s not my place. And I was really there out of loyalty to my family, but that kind of went away. So I was just kind of planning, how do I get out of here?

So then I guess moving out of Melbourne, that was just 2021, June 2021. And that really was the beginning of bringing the focus back even more so to myself, like moving out of an environment that had made me fairly miserable. And I was still having a lot of kriyas, a lot of involuntary body movement, a lot of spontaneous mudra, a lot of, like it was actually really hard to meditate for a long time even because the energies were so strong. So, and I’d reconnected with my old spiritual teacher at that point. And he’s like, you got to go back to the beginning. You’ve got to do some of these basic practices, like basic, basic Hatha yoga practices and short meditations. And so I started working with his teachings again. And that really helped me as well. Just going, just kind of having that recognition that this can’t be it. Like I can’t just be meant to be living with these crazy earthquakes running up and down my spine the rest of my life. Like that can’t be what it’s meant to be about. Right. And he was like, yeah, no, like those, those are symptoms of not having clear channels, of not having done that work. Right. And so you’ve got to go back in and do the clearing work.

And so the difficult thing for most people who are secular, not in a spiritual school of any kind is it’s really hard to find teachers like that. Like he’s the only one I know of and I’m sure there are others, but there’s a lot of people out there who are pretending, who are good at pretending they know what a Kundalini awakening is. And they might have some buzzwords and some acquired knowledge, but they don’t have firsthand experience and they don’t really have that understanding of the subtle energy bodies. So yeah, it became a lot about the, rebuilding the subtle energy bodies in a way that was, that gave more rigor to them. And so yeah, a lot of yoga, meditation, breathing practices, and just conscious intention on doing that work.

And then, yeah, very much focusing on the physical as well. You can’t actually leave the physical body out of any of this. So like, I really think for me, maybe it’s different for other people where it comes from the bottom up, but for me, there was a lot of purification top down. And now, like in these last few years, it’s really been me working on my physical body. So, you know, lots of, lots of detoxes, heavy metal detoxes and other sorts of detoxes and, yeah, like finding practices that really helped me like the latest thing that’s really helped me has actually been weight training. So working on the physical form, because really the point of all of this, or one of the points of all of this is about that, like we said at the beginning, that retrofitting. So we’re actually retrofitting the nervous system. We’re retrofitting the body to be able to hold more light, to be able to actually have the soul and inhabit the body. And so we can’t do that when the body isn’t ready for it. So yeah, so it’s been a long process of purification, a long process of rebuilding and giving myself the right environment. So now I live on the Sunshine Coast. Now I live surrounded by jungle and nature and it’s much easier on my energy and my sensory body than it was living in a place with lots of concrete. So yeah, it’s meant a lot of changes in my life. Yeah.

Amanda (48:29)

Yeah, as you’re talking, it’s like, I think that experience, I realized that our episode of my plant medicine journeys hasn’t come out yet, but we talked about the different ones that I’ve done. And the first one that I did was Bufoalvarious, and it’s this toad venom, and it basically like takes you to the 12th dimension. And they did talk about kundalini awakening, and I just, I didn’t really know, you know, iif I had one or what, but I think the fact that I was in, I was in Costa Rica, I was immersed in nature. And also something that they mentioned was salt water. So like immersing yourself in water and salt water to like help with the nervous system. Another thing that they had us do was rapé, which is this Amazonian tobacco and other plants as a way of working with the masculine and feminine, which is, as you were talking about the Kundalini, isn’t that the masculine and the feminine crisscrossing? Is that correct?

Ambha (49:38)

Well, that’s the Ida and Pingala channels and they crisscross the central channel, Sushumna. And then when, as the Kundalini awakens, they actually descend and travel up the Sushumna channel.

Amanda (49:40)

Okay, so it’s like the… Yeah, okay, that’s interesting. Your story is like helping me make sense of like what happened 2020. So four years ago now, it’s funny how like pieces like, I think for people listening possibly hearing a story that, possibly your story where maybe they had something but if they didn’t have any of these teachers, right? I think a lot of people are gonna go to a doctor and they’re gonna get on something that’s gonna suppress those releases of energy. 

Ambha (50:27)

Yeah. And that can make things worse, by the way, the suppression.

Amanda (50:37)

And yeah, suppression is, yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I wonder if hearing this and someone recognizes that maybe that was what they were having. And then if they can go through preparing the body, it can allow those energies to eventually have that that awakening that wanted to happen, but got shut down.

Ambha (50:56)

Yeah, absolutely. I’ve, I’ve also met other people, a couple of clients I’ve treated that have had various, levels of that happening as well. So whether they were in the pranotthana stage or further along, like I’m not really a judge, cause as I said, I’m not a teacher of this stuff. I haven’t done the sufficient training to, to be able to say that. 

But yeah, like there are definitely people out there having those experiences and not really knowing what to do with themselves. And they’re, you know, don’t even have the level of information that I was lucky enough to have. So yeah, I think that’s the case. And, and I do think like, you can have a lot of similar experiences with plant medicines, especially on that shamanic side of things. And so like, I don’t know if that stuff happened because I was already had a lot of those awakenings and so there was a lot of that sensitivity to those things already in play on top of the Kundalini. So yeah, I don’t know what that would be like to have had that and not have had all those previous awakenings. I don’t even know if that’s possible really.

Something else I wanted to say, because I know you ladies have spoken about astrology. I don’t know if you know anything about Vedic astrology but there is a period in our lives that is referred to as Sade Sati which is like, what is it? Seven and a half, nine and a half years of schooling by Saturn. And so I was also going through that through all of this as well. So all of the lessons of like austerity and the ego and, you know, like things that need to fall away, like all of that was part of my journey as well. 

Amanda (52:39)

Is that like the Saturn return that you speak? Is that, is that, is it different?

Ambha (53:06)

It is different from Saturn Return. I’m not an astrologer, so I can’t really explain Sade Sati, but it’s, it’s yeah, like is it seven and a half or nine and a half? It’s one of those two year period. And there’s three like three cycles in that personal, family, and community. And so it’s like, it is traditionally considered to be a period of hardship as well so and it’s not uncommon to have someone close to you die during those periods. So like I pretty much ticked the boxes for all of that stuff as well and had the Kundalini experience on top of that. And so yeah it was like just rip everything apart and yeah, and at the lowest point like right there where I was having that family estrangement as well like, that’s when I was also almost killed by somebody driving illegally on the road and I was just like are you kidding me? Like what the f**k are we’re doing here. But it was literally just everything has to go. Everything has to fall apart. Everything, everything that you have thought is important has to fall to the side in order to see the reality and the truth of this life, which is so much bigger and different than what you think it is. Like that normal human template of life, that’s what I call it. It’s like the normal template that we’ve come to become accustomed to. And that’s not this life at all. So yeah, it’s, it, I just think, well, I’m, I’m a fairly fiery person. So maybe that’s why my journey was so fiery as well. I don’t know.

And like I say, it’s changed a lot of things. Like I, I now sort of feel like I probably fairly permanently live in a little bit of an altered state. But it’s become so integrated that I can manage normal life at the same time. But you know, when I’m working with clients in my kinesiology work, I you know, days before they come, I’m like, yeah, I can see the issues or I can feel them in my body or whatever. And and then they walk in and I’m like, so we need to talk about your brother or we need to like, it’s just all right there. So yeah,  that is a fairly much a part of my life, but I can also, you know, manage to get my taxes paid and, you know, manage my life, which wasn’t the case at one point.

So yeah, it’s been a process and now it’s like, I think I just have a lot more capacity opened up to make that possible.

Amanda (55:17)

I also wonder you changing your environment, you changing your circumstances, right? Your circumstances maybe did not, were not supportive of you living more in the energetic space, right? It’s around concrete versus being in nature where you can ground, so you can live in a more balanced place. I think that makes a big difference in terms of being able to hold both.

Ambha (55:45)

Yeah. Definitely so I also have telepathy with trees, with animals. So like for me, being here makes so much difference for that, as you say, for those reasons. And just, you know, the ocean anytime. But I’m especially like, I live kind of not right on the ocean. But lots of trees and lots of nature surrounding me, like, you know, crazy amounts of nature here at my house. And so yeah, I don’t even have to go anywhere to have that experience of being immersed in nature, which is definitely very beneficial because we are that, like everything that surrounds us, we are not any different from that. And we’re just a different expression of that same divine energy. So yeah, and definitely, you know, it’s a little bit of a bubble here on the Sunshine Coast. There probably are plenty of normies, but they’re not most of the people that I know here. So, you know, we do live in a bubble here of people with, you know, different ways of thinking and living. So that helps as well. Yes.

Amanda (56:55)

And that makes a difference to like have people where you can be this version of you and not be looked at like you’re an alien or, you know.

Ambha (57:04)

Yes, not be looked at like you’re an alien. Most of the time, most of the time. 

I do think that the reason that it takes such a long time as well is because it is impacting you on every level of your being. And, you know, you said before, Amanda, you weren’t sure if you’ve had a Kundalini awakening. I think for most people, you I thought I had before I had like I think in the pranotthana stage I thought that that was already happening. And, but then once it happened it became undeniable, unmistakable. It’s kind of like, you know, have I been to Bali? Yes or no? I have been to Bali. I haven’t been to Bali.

Amanda (57:48)

Well, that’s the thing. It’s like, I went to the 12th dimension. It’s very much what you described as far as like being in another realm. And so it’s just like, it was the medicine that I took, but what’s the physical experience that happened within? Yeah, so it sounds like what you describe, but as far as putting that label to it, I don’t know. And then the aftermath of it being like, coming back into the grounding of the 3D world, back into the body. Like you said, it could have been 20 minutes, but it feels like you’re gone for a, like it felt like I was gone for a long time. And to be shot up to like, you know, a different realm and then to come back into the physical form, it’s like how does that even work? And so for it to be so disoriented, I mean, just like you sharing this, I’m like, that whole experience makes so much more sense now. So thank you for that.

Ambha (58:49)

Oh fantastic. Yeah, I mean, and I don’t know if you found permanent, like fairly permanent changes that happened for you. Like I, for me now, like I remember a time before I felt so much sensory experience in my body, so much of the energetics on a daily basis. I do remember that that there was a time when I didn’t feel those things, but that doesn’t exist anymore, you know. And I have no doubt whatsoever about the nature of non duality and the nature of, you know, this existence being part of all of that, even when we’re here, you know, that we kind of forget a lot of the time that that’s the case, but, but I don’t have any doubt about that. And I also don’t have any doubt of our existence beyond the physical form. Like there’s no, no one can make an argument to me that’s that says any differently, like I’m, well, I had that experience and you know, time is really, really fluid. It’s like I have even for making this interview, I had to be like triple checking that I’m going to be on time to be on time. 

I literally always experience myself now as a part of the flow of everything. So, you know, I do feel the earth underneath my feet. I do feel the cosmos above me. I do feel my connection to all of the nature that exists around me and that is always on. So it’s it kind of makes everything…

Amanda (1:00:25)

It’s like a turning point that I kind of, sorry to interrupt you, but it’s like, it’s like an opening that just changes. Like for me, I’ll just say it was, lot of things happened after that, that have continued, like you said, it was like codes coming in. So it’s kind of like things continuing to work internally over time. And so it’s not just like that initial, that experience. It’s like, what happens in the time following, which is, you know, the concept of space and time, right? Kind of like, if you try try think about it too much, it can make your head explode a little bit, right? Because it’s like, like I still return to the experience that I had and it like, from a new place where I am currently, and it has new meaning from where I am right now. So it’s like, it’s still always working to reveal something new, right? And so that’s that spiral, the concept like that, but you’re talking about time not being, not feeling linear, right?

Ambha (1:01:20)

Yes.Yes. And, and like some, I guess for me it’s even bigger than that. Like I look at something that happened in this lifetime and I think, well, it couldn’t have just happened here and now, right? Like there are kind of spirals off into previous existences and also into the future and maybe other dimensions where different things are happening as well all at once. And so I just, I think what we experience it is here and now, but what else has happened to bring that to being right here. So yeah.

Kate (1:02:05)

So beautiful. Ambha, thank you so much for everything that you’ve shared. Like this is a really incredible story, a journey.

Ambha (1:02:13)

I hope it makes sense. I was thinking, I was thinking as I said a lot of that, I was like, I hope I’ve made sense. I hope that didn’t come out in a babble.

Kate (1:02:21)

I think you did a really good job. 

Amanda (1:02:23)

I do too.

Kate (1:02:46)

Yeah. And I think you’ve really given, you know, our listeners and for us as well, this better understanding of what an experience can be like. And as you’ve said, each individual person’s going to have this, if they have this, it’s going to be unique to them. That while you have described some very beautiful things, like a deeper connection to life and

you know, even how you experience the cosmos and earth and all at the same time, and this level of joy that’s got, that has, these kinds of experiences, particularly Kundalini awakenings do have a very big impact on the actual life we live, the 3D life we live. And, you know, from much of what I’ve read and heard, it can exactly like you have these very shattering impacts with how we actually function in the world that can affect things like family, paying the bills, doing our job because there’s so much moving through you that you don’t necessarily have if you especially don’t have the teacher, the capacity to just get up and go and do your nine to five because you don’t feel right, right? Physically, mentally, all of it. Like you’re, you’re in a different space. So, you know, if you have any resources that you can share with us, we can put in our show notes that could guide people to a place to start. And you know, if they’re feeling these kinds of things, because as we said, you know, to head to a doctor, it might not translate to a place that really gives you the support that you need. And for people to really understand that this is a deeply energetic experience, as well as a physical one, that they can begin to explore ways to understand their energy and that they have it. Find, I guess, as best they can, people to help them work with it just initially until they can find themselves you know, someone who is truly has been through these experiences and can walk the path to guide you a bit deeper. Cause I know from again, what I’ve heard and read that’s such a big piece. And as you’ve really alluded to someone that really does know, because they are big experiences to have.

Ambha (1:04:29)

I have actually in my time as well, I have come across people who have said they know what they’re talking about. And then, and they may have enough buzzwords to make them sound that they know what they’re talking about. But like I said, it’s the difference between, you know, somebody can talk to me about visiting the local beach here and they’ll describe things and I’ll know exactly what they’re talking about. And I’ll know that they’ve been here, there versus somebody who has read a lot and maybe talked to people who’ve been there, but not been there themselves. And, and it’s, you know, very much driven by ego and, you know, power dynamics, the reason I think that people might get into that game and also the belief that they think they’ve had those experiences. And so, you know, I’ve heard your podcast about, you know, ego dissolution and yeah, like that’s all part of the story as well. And so we have to be really humble. We, we can’t think that like, I think I wrote a few notes about it. Like I don’t think that this is the best version of a spiritual awakening or the most elite or the most anything. I think there’s like lots of different ways that awakenings happen and not everyone will have that in this lifetime. But that doesn’t mean that for those who do, they’re better than anyone else. Like it’s absolutely not the case. And it’s also doesn’t mean that you’re enlightened just because you go through one of these things. It means that you’ve, you’ve..

Amanda (1:05:50)

Because after the lessons come after, right? Like through the coming, like now what do you do with this now that you, it’s like you said, it’s a humbling experience to, what is life like now? Yep.

Ambha (1:05:54)

Yeah! Yes. Yeah. And you’ve got to work through all your shit. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, it’s, it’s the real teachers aren’t, aren’t, there’s not as many of them as, as they could be. I wish there were more. I’ll definitely give you some resources that I’ve pulled together for people over the years, as well as my teacher’s website that I think he has a lot of online teachings that can help people.

One of my working theories about this existence and about this time that we’re coming into where there’s so much more happening with awakenings for people is that, you know, it’s just the thin edge of the wedge. Like we humans for a long time have lived in what I call like the shallow end of the kiddie pool and you know, there’s this vast ocean of experience that we are. And most people have never even gotten out of the kiddie pool and even put a toe into the ocean. And so when we do, like that’s when a lot of these things start happening. I think that even those things are not the be all and end all like it’s just the beginning, like we have all of this potential as humans, like beings that come into physical bodies into this funny realm we live in. There’s so much that I think we are capable of here and we’re just touching on it now. 

Kate (1:07:27)

Yeah, I want to second that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And that’s, I think that, you know, let’s have that as a whole new podcast episode. Cause I think I just, I’m what a great description where the thin edge of the wedge, right? Like we’re, we’re entering a time of exploring just how big that thick end is. If it even is an end to there, like I think that just keeps going. Right. And that’s exciting. And I think that’s, you know, one of the beautiful things that can come from our awakening experiences when we’ve done all the work and processed all the stuff and however they happen is that we really do begin to open up to this understanding of the potential we have here as spiritual beings inhabiting physical human bodies and what that can mean for all of us and that that’s what really gives me the goosebumps and lights me up. And yeah, so it’s really beautiful to hear you say that, that, you know, I love that with that particular message.

Ambha (1:08:21)

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast.

Kate (1:08:28)

We’re really grateful and we’ll also share some links to your work as well. We didn’t get a chance to talk about that, but for anyone who wants to experience you through the different modalities that you have, we’ll have a link to Ambah’s work.I actually want to send my mum to you. So she lives in the Sunshine Coast. I’m going to send her your info.

Ambha (1:08:44)

Please!

Kate (1:08:47)

But Ambha, thank you so much for everything that you shared. We’re really grateful to have you on here. 

Ambha (1:08:52)

Yes, and blessing, blessings to you for this podcast. I think it’s really necessary that we have these conversations out there now instead of just small groups of people that gather. We are now entering this time where people who’ve never even meditated are having spiritual experiences and don’t know what’s happening to them. Yeah.

Amanda (1:09:13)

Thank you for reaching out to us. You’re our first guest, actually, that one of us didn’t know. So it was great to have you reach out to us through our application. And so  thank you for being that person.

Ambha (1:09:26)

My pleasure. Like it was just, I was saying when I saw my friend do her interview with you, I thought, I can feel that, that kind of impulse now to, there’s like this, there is a point now where I feel like I can share something that might make sense a little bit for people. 

Kate (1:09:43)

Well thank you so much, Ambah. We really appreciate it and thank you everyone for listening. We’ll join you in the next episode.